It’s About Making Babies!

Theotherryan at Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest wrote about “For the spouses, another perspective.”

When the summary showed up on my BlogLines.com page, there was an ad. A greenwash-type ad. The kind that has a product, and calls it green because it might be – and might generate income, if the market thinks it actually is green. You know, like “saving oil” by mining the metals and producing exotic compounds, and shipping/trucking materials and parts all around the world and the nation, to build a “green” electric car that you plug in – to electricity generated from a coal or oil fired plant (still the majority of electricity in America).

Any, this picture of some young man in a white t-shirt, looks a bit like his parent’s back yard in the background. The tag line on the picture reads “Go green. Date a neighbor.” www.MeetLocals.com. How quaint.

One of the greenest people I read is Sharon Astyk, who writes about the depth of her pantry (Chatelaine’s Keys, and Casaubon’s Book), about saving seed to preserve genetic viability of beans and beets and tomatoes into the future, of preserving peppers and corn and potatoes for her daily life. She writes about scrounging, when need be, for what might be available, growing more vegetables and herbs in window boxes and planters and small gardens. About victory gardens and social issues and reducing her carbon footprint. So I sent her a note about this greenwash ad, and about the TSLR post, which I think touches on a very important aspect of life. Of living long and prospering, as Mr. Spock (Science officer on the USS Enterprise, a starship on Star Trek, a 40-year-old TV show) borrowed from a cherished blessing.

Sharon,

I just got a glimpse at a “personal” greenwash.

… One of the occasionally interesting blogs I read is a gun nut – Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest. Today the rotating ad on BlogLines on his article was – MeetLocals.com

The tag line on the picture (smiling average guy in suburban background and unlabeled plain white t-shirt) was “Go green. Date a neighbor.”

Which I think misses the point.

Thursday theotherryan posted about “For the spouses, another perspective.”

http://tslrf.blogspot.com/2010/02/for-spouses-another-perspective.html

Basically, the point was to be sympathetic, when getting “the paranoia” and wanting to start spending only for lots of guns and preserved-forever food, and a rustic bunker in the boonies. I paraphrase.

Lately, the old children’s song (that I really did learn in school), about “can she bake a cherry pie, Billy boy, Billy boy?” has been running through my mind. (A National Institutes of Health site lists two children’s song lyrics – I don’t recall either version – and annoyingly plays an instrumental version of the song – NSFW, for the noise factor when the page loads up.) That is, rather than date a neighbor because you spend less gas money – date someone with the skills and aptitude to enhance your ability to survive what you see coming in the future.

If that is the guy/girl next door – great. The better you know his/her family, and they know you and your family, the better. There is still room for surprises and serious disconnects in values and goals, and if you are dating someone you already know then little issues – like serious skirt chasing as a lifestyle, drug and alcohol abuse, or terror of intimacy – shouldn’t be a surprise.

At least today, mating with a neighbor won’t be a problem. In the next generation, if neighbors aren’t still finding themselves brought together randomly, then finding a mate a ways from home may again become more important, as a means to strengthen the gene pool and to keep ties to neighboring communities fresh and strong.

Just a thought. As I commented (lengthily) at TSLR, I think we face a time where picking a suitable mate may well become (as it has been historically), one of the most important choices we make for surviving and thriving.

I think a part of my comment to theotherryan bears repeating.

Often times, in selecting a partner, we invest a large portion of our self identity into an image of us with them. When change hits, it isn’t just a matter of changing our mind about an everyday thing – rice or potatoes? – but about letting go of our identity and building a new sense of who we are. Any survivalist that chooses, after selecting a partner, to seek a different community for any reason, even for better chances of survival, chooses to abandon the old community. To the spouse this is an isolation; if it isn’t voluntary, this is a significant means of spousal abuse, to deny your partner access to friends, family, and familiar surroundings.

Change is measured in pain. Always. The least pain is for changes that are insignificant to the person involved. It might be contemplated and eagerly sought, but change is always a loss, a spiritual death or clearing away of the old life to make way for the new (quoted from the Tarot, explaining one of the major arcana cards). When making your own choices, you weigh options, you choose the lesser of evils. When you impose that on someone, or try to, then you end their previous life, all to often suddenly or unexpectedly.

Realistically the first thing a survivalist – or anyone – should consider is the stability, trust, and integrity of the things they depend on most – their sense of self and selection of suitable partners and companions. You don’t buy a gun that you know breaks, or that reliable ammunition cannot be found. Why would you want a partner near you that isn’t as invested in surviving whatever may come, at whatever effort, as you are? That should be a primary consideration about choosing a companion.

Sharon preps for an economic decline, a gradual loss of support for today’s consumer-driven economy and society (Sharon, I hope I got that part right!). Theotherryan is part of a community that believes the coming end-of-civilization will be as violent and that communities will devour themselves as so often happened in the past, when things collapse. Sharon works to motivate, demonstrate – and begin living at a level that she believes is achievable today, and likely to reflect the realities of what will come – by gardening, buying clothes at yard sales instead of stores, re-using, and doing differently rather than finding different ways to do the same old, same old. Theotherryan envisions survival as an armed and prepared, remote bunker as a means of surviving the transition.

Neither vision has room for a partner invested in expensive displays of wealth or social status. Both examine their tools and surroundings for ruggedness and usefulness – like Sharon’s broadfork for the garden, or theotherryan’s selection of weapons.

Selection of companions and partners should pass the same test for soundness and appropriate values. People are wired to respond sexually in intimate circumstances. Finding someone you respect and honor, trust and depend upon will seriously narrow the field of candidates. Finding a good person that you will also enjoy holding and getting skin to skin with will be the tiniest bit more difficult.

Good of the community

One of the recent topics I noticed on Transition/Peak Oil, is about organizing communities and building and strengthening communities. Picking a life partner has to be part of that discussion.

Communities grow, or maintain themselves, by the growth of families – partnerings and children – and by adoption, that is, assimilating newcomers. Every formation of family, every bringing together of adults to make a home and raise children, is a vital and integral part of the core of the community. Any time a community member attempts to make a home with a partner unsuitable to the community, or that would make a home that was unsuitable in the community, the community is weakened.

Even today, marriages routinely require the presence and implied consent of the community – witnesses, at least. When times get hard and affluence not as wide-spread as today, the community interest in who forms a family gets much more direct and important to the survival of all.

Brad K Conservation, Peak Oil, Selection, Society Casaubon's Book, community, Mates, Peak Oil, relationships, Sharon Astyk, theotherryan, tslrf

theotherryan at Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest posted a questions from Michael. Michael asks about convincing the lady in his life to accept his preparation for disasters and disruptions of society.

Background

Many of these “survivalists” believe that a serious disruption of the economy (remember back in the ’70’s when the oil embargo diminished oil by three [3]%?) is imminent, in the next couple of years, and authority will likely break down. Most survivalists are stockpiling food, many weapons to defend themselves and family if local authorities are overwhelmed or unavailable, some intend to hunker down in a remote region to avoid being targets of thieves and thugs.

Michael’s girlfriend wants him to be reasonable, and get the guns out of the house. Me? I have to agree with the observation that all – every one of them – all mass shootings take place in gun free zones. Always. Remember the Santa shooter, killed 8 in California last winter? The one that burned the family to death with his homemade fuel sprayer, but was known for the car full of guns? The one that the gun community points out how he killed 8 people not because he had a gun, but because he was the only one with a gun? I note that communities that have passed ordnances requiring every household to own and possess a firearm in the home, every time the violent crime rates go down. “An armed society is a polite society.” And no, I don’t belong to the National Rifle Association. Yet. I do have a .22 rifle, and have used it recently to defend my chickens from a roving dog pack. I consider defending livestock one of the responsibilities of owning livestock. Or having a family.

Choosing a spouse

Back to Michael. My reply got too long for TSLR’s comment form. Michael, in part:

Ryan,

I need some advice from you and the community.

I’ve been having some trouble . . . trying to get my girlfriend to understand the preparedness
mentality. . . .
. . . She talked about people vainly waiting for the government to help them
in a crisis like somehow that would change. If I suggest that sane
people shouldn’t rely on outside help, I’m suddenly an asshole for
blaming the victims. She hates the idea of me having guns in our home. . .

To Michael,

A couple of thoughts, on pairing up.

I consider the home the smallest unit of culture. The home has it’s traditions, values, security, and discipline, in some context. When you select a mate-prospect, you are best off if your basic values, traditions, and understanding of roles are pretty close together – the odds of failing to combine into a useful personal culture are much better.

A couple interacts with extended family and community as a unit. Trying to make your home a culture that is distinct from your community puts you at risk – you then have trouble interacting, and you need the community and your interactions as much as each other, to thrive.

Besides comfort and security, the major reason for mating, for marrying, is to raise children. Recognizing that children are brought up in the culture and values of your home, picking a mate-prospect that has values and character that you respect set you up for a very successful parenting experience.

Leo Frankowski the SF novel Cross Time Engineer described how women before “modern” times (like the middle ages) were selected for the security they brought to the home. Later the selection was about social status rather than ability to defend the home, raise the food, bear the children, etc.

I am a bit confused how one can claim to be prepping, yet overlook the need to select companions and partners that share the need and aptitude for self reliance, for the willingness to defend themselves and their family. A reluctant spouse seems like such an enormous risk factor, that your ability to defend and survive is seriously threatened.

As far as discussing the issues with her, you might point out the stance of the Mormon church, and the requirement that members keep food and supplies on hand, I think for a year. You might recommend SharonAstyk.com and other peak oil proponents intent on prepping for economic reasons, but not invested in a need for weapons. Sharon and the Peak Oil folks claim the *average* American family will not be able to afford utility bills come 2012, and the time to Transition or adapt is now.

As for the guns, I would take the view that this is a belief issue, and not a rational choice for her. Like many people, she has taken or bought into a position, believes she holds The Truth, and doesn’t hear discussions, since she *knows* that anything but agreement with her are words straight from Hell and the Devil. The Brady Bunch and other terrorist organizations have created many such “belief” issues that threaten and plague portions of our society.

I might try a passive-aggressive approach. Passive-aggressive tricks and gimmicks are rude, and do not express respect for your partner – but when crossing words over a belief issue, I think you are likely at a crossroads anyway. So. I would invite her to try out a pistol in caliber and style appropriate for her size and comfort – big enough to be useful, small enough that she should easily learn to control. If she declines, say nothing – but don’t contact her for a week. Then invite again. If she declines again – stop seeing her. Don’t explain anything, but don’t do anything with her again until she has tried shooting in a safe, supervised, and controlled environment. Don’t say anything about why you won’t see her, don’t discuss your values or issues.

I am told that when dating, the point is to have fun. If she isn’t making the affair fun for you, your responsibility is to find someone else. The corollary is that she enjoy making the occasion fun for you, or she won’t be there, and that you contribute to her enjoying the interaction. Later, after vows and responsibilities get exchanged, honor requires other things.

But you have an issue here, where she is unhappy with something you feel about deeply. I feel it is only responsible to make sure that you each understand where compromise and acceptance will and will not work out, before continuing on to anything else.

For a prepper, as for the pioneer settlers that opened up the Old West, the mate that you choose is more important to survival of you and your family than whether you choose to carry a gun, or what caliber. 170 years ago, no one outside fashion districts would have forgotten that.

Brad K Dating, Selection Mates, theotherryan, tslrf