It’s About Making Babies!

A lovely lady, LisaQ, writes that “I Need a Dating Time Out!“.

When I read her story, though, it seems she has been ‘looking’ for a good boyfriend almost the same way she looked when younger – hang out with singles, try to pair up with someone attractive, witty, cool, interesting.

Since then, I’ve met a couple of guys and both were so disappointing that I feel like just saying the hell with the whole thing. I’m sick to death of the process. Other than TDIB, I haven’t met a man in years, literally, that didn’t disappoint the hell out of me.

I have to feel for a person as tired and sad as that.

What do I know? I haven’t met LisaQ, but I know her daughter is responsible, respectable, and on speaking terms with her – signs of pretty strong character and a generally good person.

My problem is – I’m a guy. So my inclination is to address a problem, to want to make it better. So this won’t likely help LisaQ, but here goes.

First is the immediate problem – tired. Tired and possibly mild depression. Activity, a good rest routine (8 solid hours each night, dependable times, until rested, then 7:20). Balanced, appropriate meals at regular times. Restless? make sure things are cleaned, laundry, dishes, fall cleaning, paperwork and tax prep – not a night out. Avoid commercial TV – the ads interrupting the story disrupt your concentration, and the generally tawdry stories tend to erode self esteem. Be careful about DVD’s and movies.

Follow doctor’s orders about alcohol – a glass of red wine at night, to manage anti-oxidants and cholesterol. Eight glasses of water every day, 8 oz each, not more than two in a 60 minute period. Avoid caffeine, it takes over a week to detox on caffeine. Avoid nicotine – if you have been hanging with smokers, you will likely face withdrawals there, too. Remember the cooking chocolate brand, “Bakers Secret”? It turns out there was a Dr. Baker. He found a secret. Dark chocolate can benefit the health. In moderation. Like one square or 1/2 square per day. Take on an empty stomach, nibble slowly. Doing a Yoga ‘plow’ pose or standing on your head really isn’t necessary (just kidding).

And make a list of where you found a guy that disappointed you. Don’t list “this bar” and “that club” – list “bar” or “Place that served alcohol”. And don’t go to those places anymore. If you want to find someone that doesn’t disappoint, the odds are pretty good you won’t find him hanging out with those that do. And if you do meet someone good, you don’t want to be in the habit of hanging out where guys that disappoint hang out.

It is a cliche. Advice so hoary it grows whiskers. But it works. A pet. You can walk a dog, take it to obedience training (this is a very good thing to do, to make a change in your life. Borrow a dog if you have to.) A dog will tolerate more cuddling (most will), and the increase in activity and outdoor time helps distract you and makes the world more accessible.

When you feel happier with life, consider that a mate, a permanent date, or a casual bed partner aren’t the only ways to share your life. Most places need single foster parents as well as families. Most communities need volunteers, from reading coaches at elementary and high schools to substitute school teaching to visiting and ward clerking at hospitals. Take a non-intimate room-mate if you have an extra room. Invite some neighbors for dinner. Did I mention Yoga class, or other exercise or crafts class?

And, really, take care of yourself.

Blessed be!