tslr: Spouse choice, change, and surviving.
Theotherryan at Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest wrote about “For the spouses, another perspective.”
When the summary showed up on my BlogLines.com page, there was an ad. A greenwash-type ad. The kind that has a product, and calls it green because it might be – and might generate income, if the market thinks it actually is green. You know, like “saving oil” by mining the metals and producing exotic compounds, and shipping/trucking materials and parts all around the world and the nation, to build a “green” electric car that you plug in – to electricity generated from a coal or oil fired plant (still the majority of electricity in America).
Any, this picture of some young man in a white t-shirt, looks a bit like his parent’s back yard in the background. The tag line on the picture reads “Go green. Date a neighbor.” www.MeetLocals.com. How quaint.
One of the greenest people I read is Sharon Astyk, who writes about the depth of her pantry (Chatelaine’s Keys, and Casaubon’s Book), about saving seed to preserve genetic viability of beans and beets and tomatoes into the future, of preserving peppers and corn and potatoes for her daily life. She writes about scrounging, when need be, for what might be available, growing more vegetables and herbs in window boxes and planters and small gardens. About victory gardens and social issues and reducing her carbon footprint. So I sent her a note about this greenwash ad, and about the TSLR post, which I think touches on a very important aspect of life. Of living long and prospering, as Mr. Spock (Science officer on the USS Enterprise, a starship on Star Trek, a 40-year-old TV show) borrowed from a cherished blessing.
Sharon,
I just got a glimpse at a “personal” greenwash.
… One of the occasionally interesting blogs I read is a gun nut – Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest. Today the rotating ad on BlogLines on his article was – MeetLocals.com
The tag line on the picture (smiling average guy in suburban background and unlabeled plain white t-shirt) was “Go green. Date a neighbor.”
Which I think misses the point.
Thursday theotherryan posted about “For the spouses, another perspective.”
http://tslrf.blogspot.com/2010/02/for-spouses-another-perspective.html
Basically, the point was to be sympathetic, when getting “the paranoia” and wanting to start spending only for lots of guns and preserved-forever food, and a rustic bunker in the boonies. I paraphrase.
Lately, the old children’s song (that I really did learn in school), about “can she bake a cherry pie, Billy boy, Billy boy?” has been running through my mind. (A National Institutes of Health site lists two children’s song lyrics – I don’t recall either version – and annoyingly plays an instrumental version of the song – NSFW, for the noise factor when the page loads up.) That is, rather than date a neighbor because you spend less gas money – date someone with the skills and aptitude to enhance your ability to survive what you see coming in the future.
If that is the guy/girl next door – great. The better you know his/her family, and they know you and your family, the better. There is still room for surprises and serious disconnects in values and goals, and if you are dating someone you already know then little issues – like serious skirt chasing as a lifestyle, drug and alcohol abuse, or terror of intimacy – shouldn’t be a surprise.
At least today, mating with a neighbor won’t be a problem. In the next generation, if neighbors aren’t still finding themselves brought together randomly, then finding a mate a ways from home may again become more important, as a means to strengthen the gene pool and to keep ties to neighboring communities fresh and strong.
Just a thought. As I commented (lengthily) at TSLR, I think we face a time where picking a suitable mate may well become (as it has been historically), one of the most important choices we make for surviving and thriving.
I think a part of my comment to theotherryan bears repeating.
Often times, in selecting a partner, we invest a large portion of our self identity into an image of us with them. When change hits, it isn’t just a matter of changing our mind about an everyday thing – rice or potatoes? – but about letting go of our identity and building a new sense of who we are. Any survivalist that chooses, after selecting a partner, to seek a different community for any reason, even for better chances of survival, chooses to abandon the old community. To the spouse this is an isolation; if it isn’t voluntary, this is a significant means of spousal abuse, to deny your partner access to friends, family, and familiar surroundings.
Change is measured in pain. Always. The least pain is for changes that are insignificant to the person involved. It might be contemplated and eagerly sought, but change is always a loss, a spiritual death or clearing away of the old life to make way for the new (quoted from the Tarot, explaining one of the major arcana cards). When making your own choices, you weigh options, you choose the lesser of evils. When you impose that on someone, or try to, then you end their previous life, all to often suddenly or unexpectedly.
Realistically the first thing a survivalist – or anyone – should consider is the stability, trust, and integrity of the things they depend on most – their sense of self and selection of suitable partners and companions. You don’t buy a gun that you know breaks, or that reliable ammunition cannot be found. Why would you want a partner near you that isn’t as invested in surviving whatever may come, at whatever effort, as you are? That should be a primary consideration about choosing a companion.
Sharon preps for an economic decline, a gradual loss of support for today’s consumer-driven economy and society (Sharon, I hope I got that part right!). Theotherryan is part of a community that believes the coming end-of-civilization will be as violent and that communities will devour themselves as so often happened in the past, when things collapse. Sharon works to motivate, demonstrate – and begin living at a level that she believes is achievable today, and likely to reflect the realities of what will come – by gardening, buying clothes at yard sales instead of stores, re-using, and doing differently rather than finding different ways to do the same old, same old. Theotherryan envisions survival as an armed and prepared, remote bunker as a means of surviving the transition.
Neither vision has room for a partner invested in expensive displays of wealth or social status. Both examine their tools and surroundings for ruggedness and usefulness – like Sharon’s broadfork for the garden, or theotherryan’s selection of weapons.
Selection of companions and partners should pass the same test for soundness and appropriate values. People are wired to respond sexually in intimate circumstances. Finding someone you respect and honor, trust and depend upon will seriously narrow the field of candidates. Finding a good person that you will also enjoy holding and getting skin to skin with will be the tiniest bit more difficult.
Good of the community
One of the recent topics I noticed on Transition/Peak Oil, is about organizing communities and building and strengthening communities. Picking a life partner has to be part of that discussion.
Communities grow, or maintain themselves, by the growth of families – partnerings and children – and by adoption, that is, assimilating newcomers. Every formation of family, every bringing together of adults to make a home and raise children, is a vital and integral part of the core of the community. Any time a community member attempts to make a home with a partner unsuitable to the community, or that would make a home that was unsuitable in the community, the community is weakened.
Even today, marriages routinely require the presence and implied consent of the community – witnesses, at least. When times get hard and affluence not as wide-spread as today, the community interest in who forms a family gets much more direct and important to the survival of all.
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