It’s About Making Babies!

NML on Baggage Reclaim contends that certain themes keep running through the music in her life, themes having to do with love gone wrong, and getting past past mistakes, and about healing.

Now, I am *not* a ‘fallback girl’ and am not getting over an Emotionally Unavailable Man such as NML writes about on Baggage Reclaim.

But I do find some songs, some books, some movies can distract, can help heal emotional hurts.

Ok, so all I have are a few songs that have horrible stories, but are presented so entertainingly.

Lovefool, the Cardigans.

Then there are the classic stories,
It wasn’t God who make Honky Tonk Angels, by Kitty Wells, and by Wanda Jackson and by Loretta Lynn. Copyright 1952, Peer International, written by Jay D. Miller. I heard this on the compilation album, Sioux City Sue, title song sung by Bing Crosby. Sioux City Sue is another classic, horrible song, “Your eyes are blue; I’d swap my horse and dog for you”, only it is Sue that turns out to be dating every one and loving none.

I like Trick Pony, ‘Pour Me’. “I damn sure ain’t looking for a romance’; so Pour Me, Pour Me, Pour Me another shot of whiskey”. I don’t think the alcohol helps, but I like the ‘leave me along while I heal’ theme.

And the fairy tale story movie, ‘Sabrina’, with Harrison Ford came to mind yesterday, how this is a horrible, horrible fantasy to perpetrate. At the end of the story the EUM, Ford, has a change of heart, and the manipulative bastard finds he ls really in love and runs off to leave his obsessive career to be with the Ugly Duckling turned Swan, Sabrina. The music is great, the way Sabrina develops is wonderful, but the thought that bastards change without even realizing it - what a horrible, horrible lie. On the other hand, I adore the stories in Emma Thompson’s “Love Actually” movie.

Some science fiction novels have been important mood lifters for me. A good novel, one that engages the mind and the imagination, usually also engages the emotions. C. J. Cherryh’s “Pride of Chanur” takes a strong female lead, a merchant ship captain, and throws the world at her. Pyanfar must find truth behind the unknown alien on her deck (the only human in the story), battle the Kif, a pirate race, and face the treachery of her own people. Excellent science fiction, a very good novel, and a good emotional catharsis. Another is Sharon Lee and Steve Miller’s “A Conflict of Honors”. Again, not about affairs of the heart, although Priscilla does find a lasting love, I adore how the alien Liadens adopt and befriend this human that drops in the midst of the crew of the trading ship, Dutiful Passage. Immensely rewarding. A more young adult story by the same authors is “Balance of Trade”. A coming of age story without any romance, BoT explores personal growth across cultural boundaries. Gotta love the young psychic twins and Merlin, the cat. I find all three of these stories quite healing.

The A-Teens released a Disco memorium of ABBA tunes, The A-Teens Generation. One of Us is a great lament. The sound is pure ABBA, with a bright new tone. Then there is K. D. Lang’s Absolute Torch and Twang album with the soulful Three Days, with Full Moon Full of Love.

There is Dean Martin’s All Time Greatest Hits from the 1950’s And a movie that uses several of the tracks, Return To Me with David Duchovny and Minnie Driver. I love Helen Hunt’s advice for a first date, “Whatever you do, don’t shave your legs. Hairy legs are your only link to reality.” Minnie tells Helen she should stitch that in a pillow. Great Sinatra tunes, good story, and Frank Loggia and Carrol Oconnor.

How do you heal?

Tam at View From the Porch laments why several people in a few minutes time, each searched for ‘Porch Girl’ and following to her post from December, “Girls Gone Vile“.

First, why the search? I would hope that Tam’s popularity has outgrown the bounds of reasonableness, and so many people are just interested in her views. Maybe. Why they think ‘Girls Gone Vile’ is Tam’s hallmark post .. ugh. I don’t want to know. But the title is provocative. Much better than something like, “Why would a maroon take pictures of his girlfriend puking, while she is worried about why he isn’t helping her stay neat?” Which is kind of my take on what Tam’s post was about.

As for why kids are posting pictures instead of helping each other..

I think the answer is ignorant parents. Parents that don’t cover the basics of etiquette - respect, courtesy, honor and defense of reputation - can’t teach their kids how to handle partying, relationships, or other social interactions.

It takes good role models (watching Mom and Dad sit in front of the TV doesn’t explain social drinking courtesy) or oft-repeated experience to extrapolate ‘Bless You!’ for a sneeze, to helping hold your hair while you ‘yell at your shoes’ (I like that one!).

It could be that girls still get more experience with handling babies - and cleaning up after someone spews. In college guys are often still uber-squeamish about bodily fluids and such.

My generation (that is about ‘grandparent’s for many today) grew up with the notion that a girl had to protect her ‘reputation’. If she engaged in sex before marriage, she had a ‘reputation’. Many guys would happily sleep with a ‘loose’ girl, but never marry a woman without her reputation intact, virgin as far as social reputation goes. Even more families objected and blocked marriages because of reputations for being ‘loose’, as in ‘loose morals’, promiscuous, or just gossip that one is promiscuous or ’sexy’.

Really.

It will take the current ‘on video’ generation several more years to understand that ‘reputation’ is still a factor in society today. While today’s young people are tattooing their hearts, sexual behavior, and cartoons on their bodies, in years to come they will find that some doors just won’t open for them. Not all of today’s rocket scientists, doctors, nurses, or figures of authority started their adult lives thinking of public positions. Many of today’s future leaders, caretakers, parents, and teachers will find that the path destiny has laid on for them - is now closed. That is a sadness to many of us older folk.

College is a time and place where kids act out in the absence of parental authority. This is a time to make mistakes and choose which values are most meaningful in one’s life. This is part and parcel of the flooding of information, and history, and ways or thinking that colleges inundate students with. Many students come to similar conclusions, occasionally a genius or obstinate one or skilled thinker will put together very creative answers to important problems. And the experience both degrades family values in the nation, with the forced separation of years from the family home, and also frees young people to make a new life unbound by the limitations of older generations.

Learning to drink and screw are the two symbols of rebellion and freedom most kids share as they approach college - and many parents fear.

What is troublesome about the ’snap a pic and share it on the internet’ is that many kids lack compassion. They still play the grade school taunting games, and think nothing of the harm they do to each other in front of adults and the public. They think of taking a revealing or embarrassing picture, posting it, and the next day tell the victim, “Got you!”

Only, the picture hangs out there. Peers goggle at it. The picture, and reputation, hang about for a long time, it gets to family, it gets to future friends. A picture of a girl spewing might be amusing, in a drunken sot way, for a moment, until one or the other sobers up. But it is gossip - nothing good can come of it. It isn’t kindly meant, reflects a meanness and abusive attitude on the photographer. “Oh, I want to date Janet, she caught a great pic of her last date tossing his cookies for distance!” Not. And the friends and family that view this photo-gossip suffer from being part of the should-have-been forgiven and forgotten moment. Lots of victims, and the likelihood of anyone benefiting is slim.

We are not Allan Funt (Candid Camera tv show). America’s funniest home videos, reality shows - real and contrived embarrassing moments are humor - using pain for recreation. We can choose to share joy, or share humor (pain).

I don’t like video or photographic gossip any more than verbal gossip. Nothing good can come of it. That is, no healing, no character growth, no increase in joy, no enrichment of lives (well, maybe for predators).