It’s About Making Babies!

PDA – a Public Display of Affection – is forbidden by regulation in the military. Officially. On duty? It won’t happen. For civilians, most communities frown on PDAs. “Get a room” some wag will call, a whistle or shout. Or a dirt look. A frowning dirty look might reward someone involved in a PDA.

Because a PDA is sex.

A distorted picture

I envision a couple standing outside the doors to Lowe’s home improvement center. Hugging, talking or cuddling, standing just off the curb, in a position to worry cars driving through the parking lot, but not technically blocking traffic.

The romantic (i.e., the imbecile that thinks calling KSOK FM radio 95.9 in Winfield, KS, to propose to Amy this morning just after 8:00 am today – is “romantic”) would notice the affection, the attachment of each to the other.

The Sheriff or police officer will notice that they are creating a public nuisance. Remember the disapproving glance, the worried drivers?

What I noticed in my envisioned couple, is that the thrill of breaking taboos about public displays, especially of a sexual nature, are stimulating. Sexual stimulation has not been noted for improving judgment. And, because the cuddling takes place in public, the happy couple is interacting with their community.

My simplified (ideal!) view of love, life, and community

A couple finds they share respect and affection for the other. They find they wish to share each other’s lives, to form a family and a home. They build that home from the traditions and rituals they grew up with, they form (mostly!) an agreement about what is right and wrong from their family, faith, and community values. They form a family unit that takes a respectful and respected role in their community – jobs, worship, shopping, friends, social occasions and favored activities from recreation to direct community involvement.

The community is formed of families – homes – joined together for security and to provide the homes with necessities – stores, police, utilities, etc. And collect taxes, and exert control over community wide issues such as school boards, Parent Teacher associations, and maintain community assets from streets to parks.

When you step outside your home, the culture – agreement on what is right and wrong, the rituals and traditions – is different. No one frowns on cuddling at home (until the kids get into high school and notice their parents “dangerously close to one another”, as Sheryl Crow puts it in her Tuesday Night Music Club album song, “All I Wanna Do“). Issues of privacy, of authority, these all differ in how the current culture defines them.

Respect, honor, sex, and affection all work to bind a family into a home.

In the larger community, sex is more often linked to crime than affection; only recently, in historic terms, has sexual assault in the home even been acknowledged. Sexual displays tend to arouse those viewing such interactions; the tendency to project one’s self into one or more participants is a normal function, and quite powerful. Thus, PDA’s, provocative actions and dress, all conflict with the assumption of privacy, of control over one’s personal behavior, and the “Don’t Show it if you Won’t Share it” rules from grade school.

Boundaries

It has been said that the largest, and most potent sex organ is the brain. I contend that sex is sexual activity, regardless of whether the genitals are involved.

And PDAs stimulate participants.

Maybe the driver is rebellion – show the parents or community that young people are now adult, sexually mature and active. Maybe the impulse (or plan) is possessive, to demonstrate power or authority, or possession, of the other person. Maybe the impulse is expressed because of a disregard of the community – or an unethical and dishonorable disregard for what the community expects – respectful and honorable behavior.

Affection and respect

Blatant and conspicuous display of so-called “affection” – sex play – in public, even milder forms of prolonged hugging, cuddling, kissing, are all about interacting wrongly with the community. Embroiling a partner in a PDA is anything but love or affection, and lacks respect.

Respect and honor are expressed by building a safe and happy home with your partner. Love is demonstrated by living a loving life, of demonstrating an intermingling of affection and respect, of honor and loyalty. A home is a personal culture, build to honor rituals and traditions taught by the couple’s families, and will be expressed in how the partner’s children are raised.

Love is a loving life, shared, and lived well. Love grows with good community relationships with the family.

Love has nothing to do with what you make your neighbor watch.