It’s About Making Babies!

First, a bit of setup. I read this post on a Peak Oil/Transition site. The Transition concept is that the world is beginning to collapse, energy-wise, that demand has outpaced the ability for the world to produce oil today – and we won’t catch up. The impact is that we are ending the age of “cheap” energy, that a series of bumps and partial recoveries in the economy, in energy price and availability, and in civil disorder (can’t get food to people, people can’t afford utilities, etc.) will cause much of the American lifestyle to Transition. The goal of the Peak Oil/Transition position is to survive – using stored food, local resources, and purchase of utensils and furnishings that make post-transition life comfortable. Oh, and some of the Transition types figure that law enforcement may be problematic – and put a lot of energy into gun and ammo issues.

Some people are even now planning and implementing their personal transition.

The guys at Total Survivalist Libertarian Rantfest are pretty readable and interesting. This morning theotherryan wrote about Living in a Travel Trailer and Women. The travel trailer bit is a scheme to pick up a trailer, and park it way out in the boonies where hordes of rioting city dwellers – or zombies – won’t overrun those with any resources on hand.

But the Women part. Wow. This isn’t about chasing women, about finding the perfect whatever. This is about enjoying life.

I hear two typical gripes when it comes to .. griping about their wives. .. The first is rather small and simple. It goes something like “I want to get (enter the name of a relatively low priced item) but my wife vetoed it”. I have a couple thoughts about this. First of all there is a real simple answer to this, personal money. We do this and I can’t see how any marriage survives without it. This is money that you both get to do whatever you want no questions asked. Spend it on good tasting lip gloss, hair products, shotgun shells or high capacity magazines or save it. The point of this is that you can do whatever you want with it. Survivalism aside I strongly suggest implementing this plan. Want a rifle or a dozen machetes but the wife is not on board? Save up your pocket money and get it.

For slightly larger (say a few hundred dollars but + – depending on your finances) items here is another idea, I bet she wants something also. Within the limits of your finances she is a lot more likely to be willing to allocate resources towards that sweet new whatever if she just got something nice. I have an awesome Wife who really asks for very little in terms of material goods but when she asks for something the answer is almost invariably yes. I think that a culture of both of you getting the reasonable things you want and can afford breeds a sort of good nature about it.

A simple matter of respect and space. I expect that each partner has to make their purchase with respect for themselves, their partner, their shared finances, and their relationship. Even though “no questions asked” is important – a lot of frivolous stuff means that some important things are being neglected. That is, freedom to spend must be viewed as a privilege, not a right.

Want a happy marriage – check out your partner. Look at the old family photos – Children with brightest smiles have successful marriages.

Well, duh!

According to Chris Irvine at the Telegraph.co.uk,

Children with the brightest smiles in family photographs are more than three times likely to have a successful marriage than those who frown, according to research.

People with good emotional bonds to family and friends – often found the capacity for bonds at home. Parents who are disciplined and respectful raise happy and respectful children – who understand what goes into a happy home, and when things are awry.

Discipline – the will do complete a task.

I grew up thinking “discipline” was when you got whacked for doing something.

I watched a family in Wal-Mart the other night. A little boy was crawling under the cart – and got wedged. While Mom was extricating things, an older brother helpfully kicked the one on the floor. When the downed kid was rescued and back on his feet – in tears – he struck out at the kicker with a flailing slap to the top of the head. Less than a second later he received the identical slap on the head from his mother.

Mom looked at me – was I going to report her for whacking the kid, perhaps she was embarrassed that her kids misbehaved in public.

What I actually saw was that the smaller boy understood that a wrong had been done – the older brother had kicked when it wasn’t allowed. He knew that when you misbehaved – as his brother did – you got whacked. Only Mom wasn’t addressing the kicking. So the (maybe four year old?) did the expected whack.

Mom ignored her responsibility to protect her younger boy from his brother. If protection was needed, Mom is the very first one most responsible. She didn’t prevent the kick (with training, respect, managing physical separation, etc.) – she failed. The no fighting rule got overlooked – Mom and Dad were busy picking up the little one and picking stuff off the shelf.

When the little brother defended himself from attack – he got punished for fighting. When there was no fight – just a bullying older brother misbehaving and not being corrected. Oops – there was also two parents that cared about their kids causing a scene, while failing to protect their kids, instill disciplined behavior in them – or address the arrogant and abusive behavior of the older boy.

If I had a daughter the age of those young boys, I would warn her away from the family, but point out the younger boy was less dangerous to be friends with, or to date.

Ice Cream.

Also last night (it was a busy night) I noticed a family at Braums. I had eaten as was reading a novel, and noticed a girl and boy, maybe 9 and 8, sit down in the adjacent corner booth. They caught my attention.

The girl was older, and sat quietly. The boy jumped on the bench, slid down next to the girl – and they sat their calmly. Well, the boy fidgeted, climbed under the table. The girl seemed content, the boy happy – and they were happy in each other’s company.

Then the parents sat down, with small fudge sundaes for each. Dad was unabashedly cheerful. Mom was content. The boy climbed under the table, walked behind Mom on the bench – and didn’t spill anything, didn’t jostle anyone, and was not a problem. None of them – Mom, Dad, Sister, gave him any instruction, comment, or demand to sit still. And none of them ignored anything about the others.

I should have gotten their names and posted them. In ten years, these children will be the ones making lasting marriages. Everyone should know and treasure this family – they enrich their whole community.

A head start.

Children that learn to succeed and enjoy life from parents that succeed and enjoy life have a head start in any relationship. That cannot be a surprise. Finding people like this may be a simple as looking at their old family photos.