ToM: Smarten up the kids.
Tire of Men
Natalie posted an update on her family on Tired of Men today. (A few years ago, Nat was Tired of Men. She writes the popular Baggage Reclaim blog.) One recent event was a brief TV appearance on Sky News in the UK Monday, commenting on five popular online topics. The last one caught my attention
I enjoyed the SkyNews clip. This was my first glimpse of the actual, real Natalie. Natalie has opened so many doors for me, from her insights in relationships regarding Emotionally Unavailable partners – and how we attract them because we are often Emotionally Unavailable ourselves. Natalie introduced me to the phrase “smuggling peanuts“. What a talented lady!
The last segment of the clip covers findings that many dogs are less intelligent than in the past. That breeders are selecting for cute and docile, rather then dogs that excel in the work their breed was developed for.
Does this hold for people?
I wonder why no one talks about that with people.
Leo Frankowski mentions this in one of his SF novels. It might be in Cross-Time Engineer, or one of the following books. He comments on how French girls were prettier (in the 13th century!), because France had been “civilized” longer – and survival was less important than social status in picking a bride. Where in 13th century Poland, a good wife-candidate was more likely to be sturdy, robust, tolerate many births well, hard working – and warm to cuddle with during long and cold winters.
Yes, yes, this has impacted my perspective on dating and mating, but nonetheless..
Repeating the strategy focuses the results
When we can see the impact on dogs, in a relatively short span of generations, can we doubt that beer ads and fashion magazines, Playboy and Seventeen are also skewing the gene pool?
On the dogs story – I was told about 1980, that the German Shepherd dog breed in America was much less sane, much less useful than the European dog at that time. People were breeding for size – nothing else. The first two dogs I remember growing up were German Shepherds. Both were put down – one for attacking baby calves in the barn, the other for attacking my cousin (I still think this was an over-reaction – she ran at our house in the dark, ahead of her family, waking the dog sleeping on the stoop. One big scratch, across her forehead.) The thinking was, that once a dog tasted blood, it would attack again. While working in a pet shop in Corpus Christi, Texas, someone pointed out that some people there wanted the *big* dogs. Where the breed standard for German shepherds is 70-65 pounds, there were local dogs in the 200 pound range. Just as many toy breeds sacrifice intelligence and sanity for size, the over bred big dogs do as well.
Horses
One bit of advice given to first-time horse buyers, is to *avoid* smart horses. Horses that think, that have an imagination – spook more often, are more aware of changes and motion near them, are more likely to play tricks or get stubborn on the rider. A pleasant, alert horse is much better for the beginner.
Must we choose one or the other, comfort or best for the future?
While I want a pleasant, peaceful companion and home, I see the need for the next generation to be as smart, as disciplined, as self-reliant as possible. They should be brave, curious, fearless, and ready to confront what is wrong. Does that mean I should be looking for these qualities in a companion – then spend my life living up to the image of the kind of mate such a person would be satisfied with?
Yep. I ‘spect so.
Would an exceptionally pretty, exceptionally sexy mate tend to produce offspring more likely to be targeted by sexual predators, by manipulators? Would the offspring of such a mate need to be protected, or would they be building the next world?
And, heck, I thought I was just looking for the smile.
Very good analogy. There is no doubt that our choice in mate and breeding partner affects the future gene pool, and the characteristics that dominate, and certainly Playboy and Fashion magazines influence what we perceive as beautiful.
What about plastic surgery? How does that affect the gene pool? Here you think that you have chosen a beautiful symmetrically proportioned woman with big breasts, when in actuality, she is none of those things. Something to ponder.
P.S. There are women however, that are beautiful, intelligent, strong and kind.
Great article.
SearchingWithin,
Thanks for visiting!
Plastic surgery is a minor concern. We have been doing orthodontics for a lot of years – and what is that but plastic surgery?
Your comment “P.S. There are women however, that are beautiful, intelligent, strong and kind.” is true. I can’t think of anyone that I respect that would disagree.
But — “Beauty” in fashion terms, as TV and Vogue and Cosmo paint beauty – is a dead-loud warn-off for me. Fashion beauty is usually a life style choice – choosing appearance, perhaps social position, over character, compassion, and community service. The successful beauty often sacrifices being able to meet “ordinary” people – in safety.
I high school girl I worked with yesterday greeted me with “I got another piercing.” And showed me her tongue ring. (It looked more like a stick pin rather than a ring to me, but it is her jewelry and she can call it what she wants.) I had to bite my tongue, not to call attention to the reason people started getting those things – more titillating oral sex, and extra sensation for their partner. I did ask why she got it – her sister asked her to. It seems when she wanted a belly button piercing, she asked her sister to get one, too. Arggh. There I stand, thinking of church teachings about mutilations, overt sexual acts and paraphernalia in school kids, and ignorant parents allowing tattoos, mutilations, piercings – of infants, toddlers, etc.
For the most part, I assume that women that get breast implants chose the wrong mate in the first place – or failed to embrace a community that places aptitude, attitude, character, discipline, and compassion above breast size. I consider using breast size to make assumptions about a person to be rude, bigoted, and abusive. And I consider a woman with breast implants to be like the girl with the tongue ring and belly button ring – swayed by commercial images, and surrounded by undisciplined and ignorant people. They have a bit of my sympathy.
It seems simple to me. If you don’t look good in clothes made for women with huge breasts – wear different clothes. Or pad or modify the garment.
If you have been to a public nude recreation club or beach, you quickly come to realize why the national organization term the experience “body acceptance”. Unlike strip clubs that interview and screen performers, actual people are just people. I learned to look for the smile (that was the important feature). I am sure one woman I met after a mastectomy was torn the first time she disrobed after surgery. Yet she was vital, healthy, and lovely to know. With scars on the left side of her upper chest.
One part of breast augmentation that bohers me, is that many of the early procedures – I don’t know if the butchers have correct this now – destroyed the ability of the mother to nurse. That emotional, physical, hormonal, and health connection women sacrificed seems tragic to me, for a chance to win some guy’s attention – that she couldn’t then nurse any children he gave her.
Hi Brad. Sorry it’s taken me so long to get to read this. I giggled that I taught you about ‘smuggling peanuts’. You certainly managed to raise an interesting subject from that last clip. I think the attitude with those dogs is oddly reflected in our attitude about mates – aesthetics can often be chosen over substance. I think many of the social shifts that we have gone through over the past 40 years or so has people very confused about what is valued by a potential partner, so someone who is smart plays down those traits because they think other things matter more. What people ultimately don’t realise is the poor relationship and dating habits are schooling both sexes and unless an individual addresses their habits, they carry them with them, and create knock on effects with their partners that will have a ripple effect for many a year to come.
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NML, thanks for the kind words!