It’s About Making Babies!

At Baggage Reclaim, NML serves a particular group of women – women that pick a guy to be with that treats them badly, that cheats and lies, and often directly abuses them, too. Today NML takes on, “Shedding Tears for an Assclown”.

When I asked where her upset was rooted, I expected her to feel upset about the betrayal, the deceit, being taken for a fool etc but she was upset because she wasn’t with him anymore. She missed him. She thinks he’s “sexy, funny, and probably one of the best men I’ve ever met and now it’s over. What am I going to do?”

There is a phrase – “two faced” – sometimes used to (disrespectfully) refer to people that maintain one image of themselves in some circumstances, and a very different image in other circumstances. The number of images is by no means limited to two.

A guy cheating on a woman is being two-faced. He presents himself as virtuous and loyal. That persona may provide the woman comfort and even security. When he is with others, though, his ‘loyalty’ and ‘virtues’ don’t hinder his bed-mate seeking persona.

When a woman “proves” her guy has cheated, and thrown him out – she actually casts away the *other* persona, the part of the guy that could cheat on her, that didn’t find her enough of a companion. Which leaves her missing the part that was there, seemed loyal, and provided comfort.

Where NML sees ‘you threw the bum out for good reason, now get over it’ I see that she picked the wrong reason to end the relationship. She only forbade the cheating.

Cheating is never acceptable. Plural marriages and various lifetime arrangements are not arrived at by cheating, or ‘exploring’. Cheating sexually is always a major character flaw – the choice to deceive is always a major act of disrespect. If the situation were intolerable, or more or difference sex was ‘needed’ and honest person will end the first relationship before even noticing or looking for other potential partners. The disregard for inadvertent exposure to disease – STD’s as well as common communicable diseases – the disregard for taking responsibility for becoming a significant person in another’s life, these cannot be acceptable.

Yet Judeo-Christian teaching holds that the cheating itself is the sin. So that is a big reason for ending many relationships that indulge in cheating.

But on the human side, the reason for discarding a cheater is very basic to a relationship – respect. Trust. It is like the Parrot Shop skit from Monty Python. “The beautiful plumage don’t enter into it! The parrot is dead!” The sex, the comforts, the shared experience don’t “enter into it.” There is no respect, trust is broken. And that is the reason to end the relationship – it is dead, if it was ever more than “beautiful plumage”.

Where NML’s lady was confused, was that the value of a thing is what we pay for it. She ‘bought’ her relationship. She spent her weeks and months believing and living as if she were with her life-mate. The effort she spent getting along with him, making him happy, and holding to him only bought her precious moments, bought her a comfortable companion. And now she hasn’t yet faced the knowledge that all her effort and time and loss of opportunity to find a better guy – are lost. Evaporated. As gone as if a parent had taken away a favored toy. It feels unfair, the memories and expectations from before the split still seem so real, so present.

And she only really wanted to be free of his cheating – not all of him.

And that is the point. She didn’t want to be free of the guy – only the part that hurt her.

She hasn’t learned yet that the guy was never really there for her, he was Emotionally Unavailable, as NML puts it. The connection the lady had was with a fantasy, not the guy. She skipped the fundamentals in looking for a partner – don’t settle for less than respect. Character has to come first, ability to form (and experience forming) good family bonds, honest, loyal, well adjusted. After that comes shared interests, appearance, chemistry. And she hasn’t put two and two together to get four.

She is still waiting for ‘the right guy to come along’. Instead of surrounding herself with people of good character, making good friends, and generally avoiding places where dating predators congregate, she hasn’t identified yet – she picked this guy. And she will pick the next guy the same way, and he will also be untrustworthy and abusive. Because her self image is askew, she will continue to pick losers. And that will continue until she recognizes that she is the one picking the series of bad choices – that something in her is making them seem acceptable.

She is to be pitied – she has healing to do before she will find a good man.

As long as she thinks the point of dating, of picking a partner, is to find comfort, someone to have sex with, she will continue to bounce from sexual adventure to sexual adventure. Until she realizes that she needs to become a different person, with different values and goals, before a good man will see her.

A line from “Raspberry Beret” comes to mind. After “spending time doing nothing much, but different than the day before” comes, “told me he didn’t like my kind, because I was a bit too leisurely.” This is before meeting the lady in the Raspberry Beret, and *immediately* whisking her on his bike to a nearby farm to fool around.

What brings this to mind is a statement that Lissa found and repeated on LookingForLissa, “This is for the Texans out there.” Cory Miller made a passioned plea that Obama was causing harm to the people of the US by his choice of goals – redistribution of wealth. Obama’s communistic “take from the rich, and provide for each according to their need”s bothers Mr Miller, a self-made businessman providing jobs and livelihoods for many. Cory’s statement of common, conservative views would be called ‘racist’ by the Obama people (you know, the ones that *don’t* understand it is *racist* to vote against a *white* guy because he is *white*).

When, really the discussion is about culture. The artificial culture of government-program-clients requires ever-increasing amounts of money to keep the vote-buyers (like Rev. Jesse Jackson and Sen. Obama) and prominent talking heads that created the programs, in positions of power. People want to succeed, even those embedded as clients in government programs. When an Obama or Rev. Jackson or Rev. Wright tell them that ‘succeeding’ means making others hurt – well, Rev. Wright and Rev. Jackson and Obama are pointing at others, so they don’t worry about getting hurt, and there is a tangible goal for the client culture. Destruction of outsiders, pirating and pillaging – within the law, of course – those they are ‘strong’ enough to overpower.

Umm – I am not trying to put words in Lissa or Mr. Miller’s mouths, here, this is my own thought.

Where the disconnect between Obama and Cory Miller lies, is that Cory understands that the Constitution provides for *tolerance* of race, not for tolerance or preservation of culture, other than the prevailing, ever-changing, national culture of the United States of America. This culture has matured and grown and benefited from every individual and cultural and other group that has joined it. Learn the language (English), learn the rituals and expectations and processes, and thrive.

The Civil Rights Act of 1964 accomplished a number of things. The Civil Rights Act codified for everyone what some were resisting, and some were already doing – opening the dominant culture of the US to make room for others. Those that chose to join that dominant culture had a better shot at the security and opportunity that some of the other citizens of America enjoyed.

Senator Obama laments, on the record, that the Constitution and the Civil Rights Act and the Supreme Court choose not to address redistribution of wealth. That different between the Constitution and the communist manifesto could not be more deliberate, Sen. Obama.

But then, Senator “I swore to uphold the Constitution to assume my office in the US Senate” Obama doesn’t respect the Constitution of the United States. Note how he violates federal regulations about honoring the Flag and the National Anthem, with his continued flaunting of the appearance of respect required of him by law.

I observe that Barack Obama is stirring a class warfare. I read various places around the Internet that many expect riots and martial law after the election, whoever wins. The agitation and false vision that Barack Obama wishes to ride to the White House is costly to all our people, and dangerous to our national security. While the big money (much from overseas) pushing Obama’s candidacy will settle for under-the-radar favors once their candidate makes office, the followers and voters that Obama is wooing today – will be quite angry and dissatisfied when the inevitable “racist” elements in Congress and the court system and the military continue to serve America, and Obama’s vision and promises wither like Bill Clinton’s campaign promises did (the Democrats have to be chortling, running Obama’s campaign the way they did Bill Clinton’s). When the truth is that Obama is unlikely to accomplish anything, except to play rectum and stop stuff. No one has been willing to work with Obama in the Senate – how can anyone think that will change with Obama in the Oval Office? But the blaming, using false ‘racism’ issues to cover ineptitude, corruption, and inexperience will tear this nation apart. Like the Rectum, what Obama is doing, and is likely to accomplish, can cause immense pain, can stop America in her tracks. Can cause tremendous anguish, all focused inwards.

At a time when India and China and Russia and Venezuela/Iran look to be joining the ranks of super-power nations. I liked the video that Brian Williams (on his Daily Nightly blog) pointed out this week, that shows India with more honors students than the US has students. That in the time 67 babies are born in the use, 290 are born in China – and 394 in India. Nations expand when populations grow. Or go to war. Or both.

And Barack Obama is content to pit ’95%’ of the US against the ones paying most of the taxes, and controlling most of the resources and jobs and services and products. Sen. Obama – look at New Orleans, and Katrina. I don’t believe that the US Government has any kind of business managing civilian resources.