Sam is a terrible mother. She says so.
Sam at Sam’s Stories tells about sharing an evening watching TV with her son Chicken, an episode of ‘weeds’.
I started to post my reply to her post, but .. well, Sam tells little vignettes of her life and family. Her intent is entertainment, and she does this very well. So my little bucket of ‘but ..’ seemed out of place for the story she tells. Following is my response to “How I Utterly Failed As A Parent”
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Sam, Sex stuff is OK for entertainment.
But what about the important stuff we just don’t communicate well from generation to generation?
I know I fixate on mates and mating rather than sexual adventure. I see sexual adventure - delighting in skirting danger - as a distraction from the dedication to a mate that builds a family. Adults and children needs love and devotion, respect and trust, to build a secure, nurturing and stable environment for a family.
The sex stuff glues new mates together, emotionally, if there is a solid bond between appropriate people. How is Chicken learning to tell the ‘fun’ dates from selecting a life-mate?
Learning about nekkid bodies and sex acts, and diverse thrills is good - ignorance can propagate unneeded fears with devastating force. But how is Chicken learning to find a mate that will be good helping to raise their children?
Many people take much of their lives to figure out that someone skilled in getting a partner into bed - is skilled in getting partners into bed. This is a life-skill they will not lose, nor put aside for very long. The rest of a relationship, a family, a life of love, is mostly beyond people skilled in attracting bedmates. A life-skill of attracting bed partners will last a lifetime - not the first thing you want in a life-mate.
That, and most people don’t get ‘lucky’ as often as they do on ‘weeds’. There is a reason most people refer to acts of intimacy as ‘getting lucky’ when dating. And people get distracted, thinking they don’t get enough sex compared to others. Instead of living, they may be chasing sex fantasies.
Is Chicken learning, along with the squishy facts, that sex distracts one from making rational decisions (whether to or not, whether the time/person/place is appropriate)? Or even that being nekkid is not the same as a sex act?
You have lots of parenting left to do. It is *much* too soon to throw in the towel and claim failure. lol! Back to work, Mom!
Umm, I don’t watch much TV these days. I found my years in public (family oriented, non-sexual) nude recreation was much more rewarding - I learned to watch for the person’s smile, rather than fixate on body parts or sexual connotations of exposing this crease or that curve.
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Then, this morning I got an email notification about a new response to a post, “Why you’ll always be a Yo-Yo Girl if you don’t maintain the No Contact Rule” on Baggage Reclaim. “Healthiernow on July 31st, 2008 1:45 pm” (the 50th comment) tells her story of being involved with a guy that shares great sex, but little else. And she has identified her value as a person as - good dates.
These men/women know how to manipulate. I know Im sick, because I do see how self destructive it is to want someone who can have so much influence on my daily sanity. Unfortunately, There were so many good years, I have a hard time letting go.
I think part of it had to do with my own insecurity as he has 22 yr olds -and all ages of women hitting on him. He is extremely good looking and he knows how to play women.
Sam, despite TV and movies highlighting sex as the goal of matching adults, there are a lot of good families. It hurts to see people distracted from a productive life by a fixation on sex.
I grew up with parents that watched Lawrence Welk on Saturday nights. Think about that. Big bands, they often showed the audience dancing. Slow dancing. There is no innuendo involved, in rubbing against your dance partner - this was foreplay, in public, televised. With regular changing of partners.
The mix and match on ‘weeds’ might be more graphic, but people still like to experience vicarious sex. Or even sex, first-hand, as it were. The closeness, the exchange of smells and touch, of shared breaths - these bind people together. We just have to remember to choose partners that help us grow in respect and honor and trust and discipline.