Archive for June, 2008

Is a guy shallow - or is it the ‘casual’ in casual sex?

Saturday, June 28th, 2008

@annied, comments at Baggage Reclaim, and is upset about a truism that I related. This occurred on a post about Ami, who left a guy that wasn’t good for her, then backslid one night - and was upset he just walked away. Annied’s comment was “annied on June 28th, 2008 5:09 pm”.

I paid good money for the seminar that made this statement, that sex for men is stroking their ego, for women it is building bridges.

The comment that shook AnnieD was

Sex builds bridges for women, builds bonds and ties and binds lives together. Men are different under the covers, wishing won’t change that

This refers to the immediate effect, early in the relationship. Long term, I think it works out about the same for men and for women. The relationship, including the intimacy, will either satisfy or disappoint one, causing one to either stay or leave.

I don’t think it could be any other way. Our society still pays lip service to virginity and chastity. So a guy that gets to share sheets with a woman receives a gift - a gift of intimacy, a gift of a shared orgasm. Or, looked at another way - a purchased event. You have to entertain for three dates before you might ‘get lucky’ - so getting lucky must be the payoff for a social transaction. He paid good ’social’ coin for this orgasm. If it was really good, then he made a wise investment, and he will be proud of his transaction.

We advertise booze and gambling and cosmetics and fragrances and clothes by their ability to bring on ‘getting lucky’. These are all purchased things.

Sharing dinner, movies, cultural events, these are all on the list of dating activities that, if successful, ‘buy’ your way closer to a shared orgasm.

It isn’t that way for everyone. Arranged marriages avoid it. Most couples that ‘wait’ until the marriage ceremony avoid it. Anyone *could* avoid it, I believe, if they pick their partner by their character, their ability to function as a mate and co-parent, and by their intent to form a family. Then, for man and woman, the sex is a fundamental part of the family - not a pre-qualifier for a relationship.

Without the family focus, the guy knows he is there on suffrance. She needs to be kept happy, in bed and out, essentially, if he wants a return invitation. A guy climbs into bed with a date on trial. He is focused on the act, on his reactions, and what the event (and transactions leading to *the deed*) mean to him. Sex strokes his ego if it works great, disappoints otherwise. If he liked the gift, he will work on the next invitation.

When both partners *live* in the same bed, the sex is about sharing, about daily issues. When one is *visiting*, the time for the visitor is spent in enjoyment.

Some people never get past visiting. Emotionally unavailable, immature, low self esteem, deceitful or other character flaws - or just unsuitable for this companion. They never develop the skills, the aptitudes, and the character to be a co-parent and mate. Most of the problems will surface early on. And professional daters never notice the difference, to them there is only casual sex.

I recommend annied avoid visitors, and her love will take care of itself.

Peak oil and alternatives

Friday, June 27th, 2008

OK, so I am reading Causabon’s Book about peak oil and how we will lose electricity and natural gas in 2012, how there is a whole network of people convinced that we are near the end of easy oil days. Sharon claims that we will lose electricity not because it isn’t being generated - but because we cannot afford to pay the utility bill. Note the 15% increase in turnoff in Pennsylvania over last year, and 8% rise in other places.

In the news, the rationale now developing about the high cost of oil includes the fact that developing nations are demanding more. Think of China building cars and highways for a billion people that hadn’t been using them. Think of the world making artificial Nitrogen fertilizer that modern agriculture depends on - and accounting for 30% or so of the oil used in the US. Now think that the market for oil isn’t expanding - and scarce resources have historically lead to famines, depressions, and war.

So Sharon, at Causobon’s Book, considers herself an optimist. She figures that if we lose electricity, we can live without refrigerators and freezers, and people did for thousands of years. More cheese and sausage.

But what about the Amish, and the old style ammonia-type refrigerator that uses a natural gas or propane pilot light to power the cooling cycle? Can’t the flame be replaced with solar energy? We know more about insulation than ever before, so preserving cold should be doable.

Plus, we now have experience with soapstone stoves. No, they don’t burn soapstone. Soapstone turns out to be a great medium for holding heat - fire the fireplace up for a day, and the stove continues to radiate heat for 24 hours. Can’t we combine soapstone or a thermal mass equivalent with our insulated coolers? On cloudy days when solar doesn’t meet the needs, can’t we make do with charcoal or wood to keep the cooling cycle going?

Cars run on gas. Wow, I am sure everyone is relieved to hear that. But what about the late 19th century car, the Stanley Steamer, that generated steam to power the vehicle? My Dad recalled cleaning engine spaces in the old USS New York battleship, which used a steam reciprocating engine. Steam turbines, when they were developed, showed much better efficiency, or maybe better performance. But for cars? Why not the firebox, boiler, and steam pistons of the early locomotives? It might be cumbersome (but not necessarily) for the family car (if that myth persists), but for moving loads? Replace today’s diesel tractors with a steam unit, maybe add a wood tender and fireman, and we might see the same freight trailers still traveling at speed, without diesel.

Farmers have been generating methane from pig manure to run a vehicle for 40 years that I know of. How sad that municipal sewage treatment plants aren’t packaging methane - ’sewer gas.’ Or maybe some cities already use the resource to generate heat and power.

In Australia and Hawaii they are experimenting with cold ocean water for a heat pump. Some upscale homes use geothermal energy, pumping water from deep underground for warmth, and returning it slightly cooler (to preserve the cleanliness, to avoid creating a surface water nuisance, and to keep from wasting water someone downstream in the aquifer might need).

We can generate massive amounts of electricity by building huge dams and creating immense man-made lakes that we can water ski on. What about a farm sized power system to put on the local creek, that takes about 1 foot of drop, and might only run two or three months a year, plus rains? Some farms have a pond that collects water - what about using the overflow to power a small generator when it rains?

The wind blows. Occasionally, and sometimes quite fiercely. Why don’t we have momentary generators, say about 4 foot across for residential use. Something to charge a battery system, or pump water, or operate power tools (or an insulated soapstone refrigerator or freezer).

The house I grew up in had rain gutters. These gutters all fed to a single downspout. The downspout had a flap, to flip the water onto the ground, or down into an immense cement cistern. Soft, clean water. The flap was to allow the first few minutes of rain to wash off the roof, when it ran clear then you began collecting the water. Now all anyone uses is the plastic county water line.

Aeromotor still makes the windmills my Grandfather used. I still see a few standing, most in disrepair, around me here today. These windmills pumped a lot of water for a lot of people for a lot of years. With no electricity. I even recall one song about them, in ‘Wildwood Flower’ by Jim Stafford.

..
Caught up with him ’bout six o’clock the next mornin’
Naked, swinging on the windmill
He said he flew up there
I had to fly up and get him down
He was about half crazy.

And then there are the Amish. Each Amish district make it’s own accommodation with the ‘English’ world. Usually they shun any direct utility connection to the house - especially electricity, phone, cable, etc. They don’t watch TV, movies, etc. And they live well for the most part. Their houses are non-electric. The movie ‘Witness’ with Harrison Ford was actually pretty generous in depicting one farm. You have to keep reminding yourself that the accommodations to heating water on the stove becomes mere habit, not a makeshift way to get along for a bit. Wood burning stoves are still made today, copper boilers, etc. They get pricey, outside the Amish communities. Pioneer Implement sells new horse drawn equipment, wagon gears, and forecarts - a heavy steel cart that horses pull, that can attach most farm implements behind for field work or transport. Pick up a copy of Draft Horse Journal (you can subscribe at Amazon.com) for the amazing collection of ads, including Pioneer Equipment. Or Small Farmers Journal, which covers small farm and family living, draft horses and oxen, and children and goats and chickens.

Cut grasses (prairie type, not lawn clippings) to use for hay to stuff a mattress? What do you feed your cat or dog when pet food triples in price, again? How do you use chickens to keep down bugs in the yard, when pest sprays are no longer an option, or do you want (noisy!) guinea hens? Can geese help keep the garden weeded, if you are careful to keep them out until your crops are growing well? Would you rather plant the SunTurf grass lawn mix from Native American Seeds - grows to ten (10) inches, and you cut at most once a year. Or for hay, a prairie mix or some Big Blue Stem (it is neat, in late September, to walk by a clump with seed heads swaying above you!)?

Do we need to start examining city ordinances that impact gardens and small animal keeping?

We have examples and mentors and even suppliers. And we have a few months, anyway, to begin work on new ways to live.