Although, my young son of nineteen chimed in on this one for me once. He said that the only way it’s an issue is that if the sex is bad, you are not likely to try to get to know her any better. If you get to know her first and then the sex ain’t great, you have other considerations to keep you courting.

This, I have found, is the only valid argument on the subject.

On the other hand, that first act of intimacy makes pretty plain how much your partner is ‘into’ you. Any feelings of remoteness, being left on your own while they go their own way during the act – these things come from behind the facade. Ideally you and your partner both find pleasure in pleasing the other. This makes for a great start to a relationship (which every relationship *has* to have, sooner or later). But even the kindest first time gives little clue about how honest, how genuine the person is that you are cuddled up with.

Which brings me back to what I tried to say the first time – get to know your date before ringing in the major distractions.

It seems simple – just be yourself – yet knowing yourself, being honest with yourself is one of the more difficult tasks we attempt. It is at least as difficult as trying to tell whether the date you are getting to know is genuine in their communications, or manipulating you, or some combination. It almost makes the advice “no sex on the first date” make sense ..

There’s so much to this. And yet it’s so simple. People who are nice to you just because it makes them feel good and because they want something from you abound. Very hard to discern what/who is genuine and what/who is not.