Sex-ed question: Seduce?
Sam at Sam’s Stories posted about her kid starting sex-ed class. The teacher allowed for anonymous questions to be submitted.
“How do you seduce a woman?”
I like that word, “seduce”. Well, not really. Seduce. “1. to lead astray, as from duty, rectitude, or the like; 2. to persuade or induce to have sexual intercourse; 3. to lead or draw away, as from principles, faith, or allegiance; ..” (from Random House Dictionary of the English Language, copyright 1967, 1966 [no, it isn't new, I found it at a garage sale]).
Seduce. Synonynms (again from RHDotEL) “beguile, inveigle, decoy, allure, lure, deceive”.
Sounds like something really responsible to do. And really respectful of someone that might become an important part of your life. If you are lucky.
How many books and tapes and movies are there about ways to seduce a partner, to ‘close the deal’. Often the more honorable-sounding ‘win her heart’ crops up. Does the end – sexual congress – justify the means – seduction? I think seduction really applies and is appropriate where both parties are intent on ‘hooking up’ – finding someone to share a sex act or three, then not be hanging about. Times like ‘last call’ at the bar or lounge.
So, my thought is, “Don’t seduce” and “Don’t respond to seduction attempts – run away”. Respect yourself by avoiding deceitful and lying habits, including seducing even willing people. And respect those you associate with. If she want to ‘share pleasures’ as Sharon Lee and Steve Miller express the thought in their Liaden Universe science fiction books, ask or offer. If you have established a relationship where shared intimacy is a reasonable choice, and both are interested, this isn’t seduction. There is no need to deceive, or persuade, or to lie.
If you find a person interested in seducing, or a friend, or a co-worker, even if you aren’t their ‘target’ (this week) – be aware of the person’s dishonest and deceitful nature. Don’t let their actions and attitudes corrupt (seduce) your attitudes and moral choices. Instead, look for people of better character, people that respect themselves and those around them.
Sam – please tell him not to seduce anyone. Tell him to make friends, be honest, and respect himself and others. Explain that sex isn’t the path to the goal. The goal is a life mate, a companion to nurture and grow with. The path is honorable behavior, respect, and learning to share life with an appropriate person. Ask him to choose a girl with character and skills that he respects – and not by appearance, sexy characteristics, dress, or manner (all means of seduction). And he will do better learning the skills and aptitudes of being a co-parent such as discipline, consistency, nurturing children and animals, than he will by associating with guys that think intercourse is the only use for a woman.
And that sex is about making babies. Finding and wooing a woman is about making babies. Making a family is the reason to find a mate. Few of us have time for the ‘sexy’ routine and ‘casual’ flings, when life is so short.
I am always very wary of seduction advice. It makes sex at the centre of things as if you can put them under a spell with sexual desire. It’s part of the reason why I get irritated with women’s magazines…. “Thirty ways to seduce your man and drive him wild” – it sends the wrong message.
Thanks, NML. That is a tough one – seducing within a committed relationship.
I can see an interest in recovering that initial ‘lust in the loins’ (as Diane Ford put it). But I think you have to be careful, too.
If you just increase your partner’s *general* interest in sex – you risk spreading that interest outside the relationship. Increasing your partner’s interest in sharing pleasures with you should be grand, though, right?
The fact that sex often tapers off as a relationship goes on is a part joke, it is so often true. Sex is a result of revving your hormone engine, and like any chemically induced mood change, it takes more and more to get that same ‘high’ feeling. That, or longer periods between celebrations, to keep things fresh and rewarding.
I think you can have sex, or you can have a relationship that includes sex. If you start with a relationship as your goal and your partner’s goal, then the sex should bring more satisfaction (and babies). If you start out with sex as the goal, then even if you change your mind and want to go permanent – your partner met their goal, why expect them to now pursue your goal? Surprising your partner doesn’t work well for life planning.