Then, too, there is the physical bonding aspect. Foster parenting training covers ‘detachment’. Kids taken into foster care tend to be moved from home to home. Too many, after some number of homes, stop developing emotional attachments to their new ‘family’. Detached kids are less likely to be well behaved, to learn ethical behavior, to live within rules and the law. How can those that spend years dating be any different? What are ‘players’ but emotionally detached people practicing rules that develop and maintain the detachment?

Much of the world (most people, 38 years ago) still practices arranged marriage, where parents or some social mechanism selects partners. Traditionally certain classes in India and other cultures might never meet until the wedding ceremony – and most such cultures don’t allow separation or divorce. We cannot do that here in the US. We don’t have the social and legal mechanisms that make arranged marriage work. Plus, our parents don’t understand, most of them, how to select a suitable partner. They ‘lucked out’ as we try to do.

But we can associate with people of good character. We can network, and let our network know we want a good partner. Those that know us might help us recognize a person of character to suggest – they we meet and decide if we actually like the person. This is doable. Plus, associating with good people, and refraining from competitive dating and casual encounters, we make ourselves more easily identifiable as ethical people – and attractive to someone looking for a mate.

One place we differ, is that I see ‘dates’ as essentially ‘prospective mate evaluation’ exercises. Before the first date, we should know that the prospect has a reputation for good character, and would be a reasonable choice for mate and co-parent (whether kids are anticipated or not), and the next thing to check is whether we like them. Dating should be very late in the selection process,. You should know a lot about their family, their past, and their character first.

Like are you spose to pick the first guy u see off the street and go … yup im gonna marry you and no matter how many things i hate about you .. we are going to work on a relationship together until we are both happy.

I mean there needs to be a selection process of some sort. At the end of the day you need to know what you are looking for. But at the same time i do see your point. You can’t be too quick to judge someone. You can’t be too quick to throw someone off to the sideline.

But you know what … u know what you are looking for … you can’t please everyone …

N if you are dating a lot .. its because you know what you are looking for and are prepared to do what it takes to find it.

Hot Alpha Female

http://www.hotalphafemale.blogspot.com