It’s About Making Babies!

Lorelle on WordPress asks the question - why don’t givers ask to be paid? Givers are those resource people friends and acquaintances turn to for help for answers, for an easy solution to a tedious task.

I think the biggest part is low self esteem.

A giver is about the opposite of the dynamic leader. The leader is usually personally ambitious, task focused, and self confident. The giver on the other hand recognizes first those that need support, rather than opportunities to advance in status and success. Why? Because the giver understands what it means to be lost, to need assistance - they identify with those needing assistance.

Rarely will a dynamic leader also express a general caring and support for those around them. The assistance they provide to others is offered from a position of strength - they assess their resources, and husband those resources as they determine what they are willing to give, and where that resource will be used. When a leader gives, the gift is expected to be used successfully.

A giver is satisfied if a gift helps another to survive - success is shared vicariously.

There are many successful roles for givers. They are valued team players, often central to the success of a group or project. But they will seldom be the leaders, or work in an ambitious fashion. Their aggression is to support the leaders, to help team mates.

Part of the heart of the question that Lorelle asks is close to home in the blogosphere. How does a giver, a resource person, ask for payment? The answers seem limited - by imagination. First, you might join a firm that pays you a salary to be a giver under the company’s banner, helping whoever the company allows access to you. Second, you can post fees for advice and assistance, and make financial arrangements a part of the request for service. You could limit free advice to short answers, and provide for contracts for those wishing assistance or more complete advice. You could keep track of all advice given, build a database of advice, and charge a modest fee for a time-window access (daily, weekly), or by the article.

In earlier times some sons or daughters of a family would forsake (or be denied) a career, instead living a life of service to parents or other family. This history of sacrifice, of taking care of family, has it’s direct descent in the giver. It would take an act of ‘tough love’ to turn the concept of performing expected service (free advice) to a business model that would balance marketing needs, support of those that ask for help, and creating an income. It would also take an evaluation and understanding of why low self-esteem wanted to give advice, instead of pursuing personal ambitions.

Giving isn’t wrong, or bad. It fills a distinct, historical niche in society. But a giver can’t afford to dream of a leader’s success, without some major self image changes. Either recognize the success of a giver - the vicarious emotional sharing of success of those the giver supports - or become more self assured, more aggressive, and more ambitious.

Booking through Thursday asks:

It’s an old question, but a good one . . . What were your favorite books this year?

List as many as you like … fiction, non-fiction, mystery, romance, science-fiction, business, travel, cookbooks … whatever the category. But, really, we’re all dying to know. What books were the highlight of your reading year in 2007?

This year has been about re-reading favorites. I didn’t get them all (H. Beam Piper’s Little Fuzzy, F. M. Busby’s ‘Rissa’ collection, Anne Logston’s fantasy all come immediately to mind), but most were because I have enjoyed them a time or two before.
Most recent was a delightful, insightful, and entertaining book by Anne Bishop - Sebastian. Bishop dwells on lands of demons, near-humans with racial traits and animosities, castes with various (and varying) powers, and landscapes and responsibilities that range from demi-god to mundane. And she explores and re-confirms Campbells assertion from the 1950’s - a good SF story is a good people story. Anne Bishop uses her characters to explore people. Sebastian, the conflicted incubus, is undergoing a personal crisis, just at the time the worst destroyer of all time escapes near-mythical bonds. Through a landscape of oppression and homely charity a montage of characters with various goals all strive around the central crisis - the threat of the end of the world. And a nice story of love finds the emerging leader of the Den of Iniquity.

Again. David Weber. Many of the titles. The two most recent were Crown of Slaves and Shadow of Saganami, both re-read for third and fourth times, respectively. Military SF with honor and courage. These books are about the people, not the gosh-wow Grav-Lance and Alpha and Beta nodes, and the transition to Hyperspace or a Hyperspace Junction Transfer. Well, maybe the hardware just a bit, too. Both are coming of age books, with young people growing into responsible leaders.

Sharon Lee and Steve Miller. Balance of Trade, at least three times this year. Coming of age book, early in the Liaden Universe timeline. Tomorrow Log, Plan B, Crystal Soldier, and, again and again, Conflict of Honors.

Tamora Pierce. I wish she would write more! ‘Beka Cooper’ again, must be fourth time or more that I have read this one. Coming of age, as a young peace officer. Also by Pierce, the Circle Opens quartet, Will of the Empress, Tricksters Choice and Tricksters Queen, Protector of the Small quartet, Wild Magic - all re-reads.

Mike Shepherd. Kris Longknife: Mutineer, : Deserter, : Defiant (all re-reads) and the new one, : Audacious. Good story, well told. Except maybe a bit of fascination with those booby bombs. Even Kris Longknife deserves better than to be known for .. booby bombs. Booby bombs show up in Deserter, and reappear each book after that.

Kristine Smith. I started re-reading her books, Code of Conduct, Rules of Conflict, Law of Survival. Intricate SF, cross-cultures with some illicit surgical ‘hybridization’ to afflict our hero.

Elizabeth Moon, Vatta’s War. Ms. Moon is going the ‘$$McCaffrey’ route, writing shorter novels for the same sales price. Vatta’s war is a very good read, if all too short. Deed of Paksennarion, a reprint of a trilogy I read and re-read. Once a Hero/Rules of Engagement/Change of Command. Excellent military SF.

C.J. Cherryh, Pride of Chanur. This sequence of novels is a perennial favorite, and I seldom go very long at all, without re-reading Pride, Chanur’s Venture, Chanur’s Homecoming, and Chanur’s Legacy. Not many humans, several star-faring races, all wrapped up in trying to trade.

Patricia Briggs. Blood Bound is the new one, continuing the earlier Moon Called (which I re-read, of course). Great books. I enjoy the straight forward fantasy treatment of reasonable characters interacting with werewolves, vampires, and the occult. Kelley Armstrong’s Bitten, Bound, and the others are similar, and also very good. Robyn McKinley’s ‘Sunshine’ is another that tells the story as a paranormal adventure story rather than as horror.

Wen Spencer. My favorite is ‘A Brother’s Price’. The premise is great - women band together to marry, as a group, one of the few fertile men. Intrigue and adventure, well told. Also, Tinker and the new one, Wolf Who Rules - elves, goblins (oni), and magic vs. technology - and trying to bind two (or more!) cultures together.

Fred Jones, Tools for Teaching. This non-fiction affects my life every day, even three years since I tried substitute school teaching. I find that young kids racing around a restaurant will respond, and behave, with a simple look that says “I know that you know you are misbehaving, and I see you.” Working with livestock, and understanding myself, this book should be a must for every parent, supervisor, and trainer.

Christopher Rowley, Bazil Broketail and the following titles. All re-reads, the most recent is several years old, and I have re-read the series any number of times. The world is similar to a corner of Tolkein’s middle earth, but all Rowley’s own. Miltary fantasy, in the dragon corps, with battledragons wielding swords in the army against the dark enemy.

Mercedes Lackey. Fairy Godmother and One Good Night. A nice spin on the whole fairy tale universe, based mostly on Cinderella. And a very well told tale.

David Drake. With the Lightnings and Lt. Leary Commanding, and all the following books, again. Some Golden Harbor tantalized me - I had mislaid my copy of The Way of Glory when I tried to reread the series. So I bought a used copy.

John G. Hemry A Just Determination. I just found this first story if young Lt. Snclair - I had read the two following books a couple of times already this year. Basic science type military SF, the stories take place as the space navy has just established a presence on a satellite in earth orbit, with not much presence in space beyond earth orbit. Lt. Sinclair alternates between general shipboard duties, his assignment to CIC, and his collateral duties as shipboard legal affairs officer. The story spends time in the court room, on patrol, and sometimes trying to find a date.