It’s About Making Babies!

NML writes about When should a woman have sex with a man? Actually, NML writes about Evan’s ‘Advice From A Single Dating Expert‘ post, When Should a Woman Have Sex With a Man? ‘Ask Evan’ is a dating counselor. Now, why did I just pop in my ‘Hitch’ tape?

Evan references a magazine article from Happen magazine about Dating and the Double Standard by Elise Nersesian. The article polls three dating women about sleeping with a man as soon as she wants to.

Evan boils the issue down to a single question for the woman.

Your sole responsibility before having sex is to figure out if he’s interested in YOU or in SEX?

Apparently once she knows what *he* is after, she is to decide whether she wants to go along with him. If she wants a quickie, then his pursuit of sex is an glowing opportunity. If she wants something longer term then she needs to know he is primarily interested in *her*. If she doesn’t know, or disagrees with the answer, then answer of the question of when to sleep together, is to *wait*.

Gag me with a spoon. She might just as well check the sign of the moon, ask her friends, or double the time she waited for the last guy.

Before a lady needs to ask, “how soon can I sleep with him?”, I recommend spending several hours with him – without colognes, without jewelry, without piercings, with common, comfortable clothes. That is, without any social signals that declare, “I demand you think about sex with me.” I also suggest that you only accept dates when attired this way.

I mentioned another danger back in June, in ‘How many first dates?‘. Foster care finds that kids ‘break’. You can pull a kid from his home, put him into foster care, and he will probably, barring other problems, bond to his ‘new’ family at an emotional level. Then things change, and he gets moved to a second family. The chance that he will bond a second time is less. By the fourth move, it is looking grim that he will bond, will attach, will respect the adults or their authority. The kids that get disrupted to the point they don’t bond are hampered the rest of their lives.

Can anyone say that regular daters don’t meet the same fate? That after some number of dates that varies from person to person, the chance of real bonding – being in love – is nearly zero, regardless of other factors? This risk adds new weight to the phrase, ‘saving myself’.

In another post, About racing into a relationship, Annie at Smart At Love was concerned about PGM (Premature Girlfriend Mode – rushing the level of relationship). I was concerned about picking a suitable partner, and how to know when dating is over (and forming a family begins).

I even wrote that there is risk for anyone with more than four (4) first dates. That we should determine suitability based on reputation, evaluation by family and friends, and networked information sources.

And finally, I think I answered just this question with ‘Sounds way too harsh‘, commenting on a Baggage Reclaim message about making our own relationship luck.