It’s About Making Babies!

There I stood behind the movie concession stand counter. About an hour into ‘I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry’, a teen boy comes out of the theater to the lobby. About ten (10) minutes later a couple of girls pull up in a car and mill about in front of the theater. The boy joins them. They look to be 8th or 9th graders, about 13-14. The girls might be sisters, the boy maybe a year older. After a few minutes one girl takes off in the car; the boy and younger girl enter the lobby.

The two stand and talk, quietly. A few kisses occasionally. They embrace, rub each other’s backs, hands don’t roam *too* badly. After about four (4) minutes of one particular long smooch, I told them, “Oh, please! Get a room!”, after a few more seconds to show they weren’t worried about me, they went back to rubbing shoulders and sides and talking. This continued for a while.

The car returned, the driver honked the horn. About a dozen annoying, short bleats of the horn later, and the girl actually starts telling the guy goodbye. He returns to the auditorium where ‘Chuck and Larry’ is playing with about 15 minutes of movie left.

I was a bit surprised that the conduct was as ‘clean’ as it was – that long a contact, periods of kissing, and no serious groping. I am sure their parents will be relieved.

But what really struck me was that: 1) She had to call him out of the theater – in the theater your cell phone is supposed to be turned off; and 2) She showed an enormous and critical lack of respect for him, for his choices, and his family (a younger brother, inside watching the show).

Umm, theaters have to honor the movie industry’s demands to prevent pirating – stealing snapshots or clips of movies. The theater owner association has a $500 bounty for employees that report pirating to the police – a girl just pleaded guilty and paid a fine for snapping 20 seconds of ‘Transformers’ for her kid brother. Plus, an open cell phone acts as a flashlight, distracting others. The reason for dimming the lights during the movie is to create an illusion that you are viewing the event alone, or with only a few others, making the experience more ‘personal’. This is one reason anything that attracts attention – talking, lights, noises, etc. – is so bad. No one paid to have your flashing screen or talking or seat kicking distract them from the story on the screen.

About the disrespect. He chose to spend a few hours on Saturday with his brother, at this movie. Whether or not this was his first choice for how to spend this time, whether or not talking with her and kissing were more fun, the fact remains – she claimed precedence over his choices for the moment. She did not honor him. Whether from arrogance, self indulgence (she appeared to enjoy the kissing and rubbing, too), or ignorance, she interrupted his activity. Will she be as cooperative when he sees her shopping with a sister and asks her to step aside and cuddle and talk a while? Will she reimburse him for the cost of the ticket, for the movie he saw the first half and the ending? Her intervention cost him the price of the ticket, and time with the brother. He may be satisfied with how he spend the time together with her, but who will make up the distraction from the picture that brought the younger brother to the lobby to find out what happened to the guy?

Oh, and remember, when the girl’s ride returned was when she left. She never did acknowledge butting into his day and his activity.

Now, will all kids growing up with cell phones maintain this ‘connectedness’, this butting into each other’s day and choices at random and without regard to respect for the other person’s choices, or will these kids learn to respect others – about the time they start trying to raise their own kids?

David Zinczenko, a regular contributor at Yahoo/Health and Men’s Health magazine, writes today about ‘Are You Too Clingy?‘. I found David’s article on Baggage Reclaim. NML had some issues with the signs and explanations of why a clingy female can sour a man’s relationship bindings.

Well, the ‘list’ David came up with is starting to look like a meme. The exercise? Which of this signs of being clingy seem relevant, and what is missing?

Needy Sign 1: Your Over-Under on Daily Phone Calls is Two

This one strikes me as a conflict of values. Honesty, integrity, loyalty. Workplace ethics. I have never had a problem with personal calls at work to solve a problem. But other than that, you are stealing time, attention, effort, and part of your paycheck from your boss and your co-workers, and your company’s customers, every time you make or take a personal phone call, write personal letters, or conduct personal business at work.

When you head out the door for work, there is an implied pledge that you will be focusing on work, getting your work completed competently, safely. Taking toys and games to work, regular personal calls to ‘check in’ or other things that should be taken care of with responsible time management make you a cheat, a thief, disloyal to your employer. If your partner doesn’t see this, ask how to be loyal to your partner if you are expected to be disloyal to your employer? Character flaws exist, I see no reason to create an institution or social practice that glorifies theft. Either pick a lifestyle and career that you work with your partner, or expect a clean and distinct break between work and home.

And this goes for other activities. Bowling league, little league baseball and football, shopping trips, camping – either participate together, or manage information and planning to avoid interruptions. Business calls to refresh contacts, scare up sales, pimp new sales and product announcements get tedious more than about once a month. That sounds about right for personal calls.

Needy Sign 2: You Insist on a Joint E-mail Account

This sounds silly to me. If you both use email, use separate accounts, or you will be trashing each other’s ideas on what is spam, what are interesting announcements and newsletters. And the point is .. don’t mess around. If you want in some other girl’s knickers, be a man and end this relationship first, or if you are seriously brave, introduce both ladies to the notion of shared ecstasy and chores. Sounds stupid? Then keep it simple. Stay loyal to your relationship.

Needy Sign 3: You Update Him on the Latest Celebrity Gossip

Gossip is one of the true social evils, in my opinion. It can do no good. I don’t want to hear gossip of any kind, neighbors, family, other folks, or celebrities. Gossip is a bad habit, and encourages thinking of unhappy things and problems. The skill of swapping gossip is nasty, destructive, and addictive. Gossipers have little trouble entertaining others, but keep demonstrating the danger of trusting gossipers. Gossip loses respect faster than it loses truth. If you want to share celebrity or other gossip, write a blog. And don’t tell me about it.

Needy Sign 4: You Don’t Have Your Own Poker Night

This might or might not be a sign. It depends. There are many kinds of escape, other than Poker Night – TV, movies, theatre, church, study, novels, magazines, hobbies and crafts. Also cooking, cleaning, car and yard maintenance, gardening. Since he is leaving for work regularly, she needs to be accomplishing something to support one or the other of them, or serves their community. Poker night, bar hopping, strip clubs, recreational shopping seem like really poor substitutes.

These ‘Needy Signs’ are trivial. I might expect something this superficial in Cosmo (on a bad day). To my mind, ‘Clingy’ is an irrational state of relationship. Stalking, intense jealousy, refusal to accept the truth from your partner, refusal to allow your partner to make their own decision for their own reasons, refusal to accept your partner’s values. Irrational. These are fundamental problems, that might show up as one of the above signs, but unlikely.

Instead, check to see if the respect is still there for each other, the communications are clear and you respect each other’s values.

And use a cell phone when another person is with you to manage a *serious* problem – only. Remember the old rule, about no phone calls until after supper? Show a little respect for those near you.