It’s About Making Babies!

I am getting ready to see ‘Knocked Up’, a new movie just out today. The poster looks interesting.

But I was thinking, how likely is it that two relative strangers under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs, might happen to pick a similarly under-the-influence partner of the moment — that turns out to be of good character, suitable as a co-parent and life mate?

Which got me to thinking about first dates. And rationales for society and families to prefer abstinence before marriage. Since the ‘Sexual Revolution’ of the 1960′s one of the squeamish questions we dread asking, but cannot resist, is ‘how many sex partners have you joined with’? And, since the 1970′s wakeup call that abstinence is the safest sex, and the public discussions of ‘safe sex’, that is an important question. ‘How many exposures have you had, to Sexually Transmitted Diseases?’ Or any of the related questions, ‘How many partners have you bonded to, and has the number been large enough that you will never be able to bond into a family again?, ‘How much practice have you had at telling partners what they wanted to hear, since you aren’t with any of them any longer?’, or even, ‘How many former partners share a corner of your mind and spirit, have shaped your character, and still hold some part of your attention (love or hate)?’

Often the quandary is ‘how soon should we sleep together?’ I think there is a point to be made, that you should never have a first date with someone that wouldn’t be a suitable life mate and co-parent. (Whether or not kids or pets are likely in your lives, the capacities and aptitudes that make a disciplined, effective, nurturing parent also contribute to a stable relationship and better communications, i.e. happier life.) That is, do your homework with your family, with your social network, dig up the background before accepting that first date. When you ‘check out’ the possibilities with disarranged clothes, the answers get blurred with the hormones, with the ‘would it be rude to stop now, since I just found out I don’t really like this person?’ social inertia in conflict with truth and honesty to your self and your prospective partner.

I figure about four. Four first dates. Four life prospects that measure up in character and aptitude. Stable, disciplined, joyful prospects. Then their would be more following dates, social opportunities to learn about character, to test the chemistry (shared breaths). To evaluate how clearly the prospect communicates, honestly sharing feelings, dreams, and evaluations of life around them. Compare values — you don’t have to agree on everything, but you have to respect their position, and accept that you can live 50 years with someone that holds that opinion.

I guess I also tend to think those that evaluate their prospective partners clearly, and commit earlier in their lives, probably have a better shot at a happier life. And learning to evaluate prospective life partners, looking at dating as a selection process for finding a life partner, and understanding that sexual intercourse is for making babies, these I think are at the heart of ‘family values’.