A to Z’s at Baggage Reclaim. A woman’s view of dating hazards.
NML lists 2007 ’s dating hazards for women in alphabetic order at http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/. This list does seem a bit .. slanted, perhaps? lol!
Looking at ‘B’ and ‘K’. Change and Kinky. I would suggest that sex is for making babies. The smiles, the comfort, the cuddling is for being together. Look more for a comfortable partner, and the sex should be good enough. Look for a sex partner or for the sex, though, and likely nothing else will work right. Look for strength of character, rather than brutality.
I think the anti-porn crusades are missing the point. I feel the material itself, or seeking the material, is more likely to be educational. At first. But anyone that buys into porn industry illusions of sexual excitement, thinks of sex as something a partner makes happen, they are in trouble. Searching for thrills, whether base jumping or sexual or other adrenaline or hormone based excitement — that is dangerous. As in, ‘those that live by the sword shall die by the sword’. Pursuing excitement is a form of suicide, and bystanders should stand well back, behind the barriers.
My concern about pursuing sex thrills is similar to my concern over the difference between joy and humor. Humor cannot exist without pain. Joy is an appreciation for beauty around us — sunshine, sunsets, flowers, friends, smiles, etc. Humor on the other hand requires someone to act stupid (blonde jokes), deceitful pranks, threats of injury, and other forms of bullying. Pursuit of humor will injure the spirit. In my opinion. Just like using sex for thrills, humiliation, etc. sends one on a path to danger and abuse, picking partners for the particular thrill they promise. Which damages the individual’s ability to bond into a family. In foster parent training they mentioned that moving a child from one home to another always risks being that last move, when the kid detaches — and will likely never form an emotional bond to another family/home/situation. I see a similar threat to social development in ‘hopping’ bed partners.
The other thing that caught my eye is about Change. I like the point in ‘28 Day’ with Sandra Bullock, where the question is asked about when to have a relationship (after rehab). The answer was to buy a plant. A year later get a pet. If a year after that both are still doing fine, you might be ready to date. In my experience, ‘I will change’ is often heart felt, and intended to be sincere. But if the discipline (will to complete a task) were there, the change would have been made years before. I would consider any questionable behavior, habits (smoking, drugs, overeating, anorexia), relationships, or unsavory friends a big danger flag. Now or any time in the previous couple of years. If bozo needs someone else in their life in order to make a change, they don’t intend to be honest with themselves, or others.
And here I thought NML was being harsh!