Comments on: Women in control http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2006/11/28/women-in-control/ Dating, marriage, divorce, family -- and what sex is and isn't. Tue, 06 Jan 2009 22:43:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.7 hourly 1 By: Brad K http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2006/11/28/women-in-control/comment-page-1/#comment-1270 Brad K Thu, 30 Nov 2006 01:12:33 +0000 http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2006/11/28/women-in-control/#comment-1270 NML, I agree with you on using a rigid, baseless checklist. I think the reason people fall into the trap of discounting potentially suitable people, though, is not the expectation that there are 'more fish in the sea'. The reason has more to do with not understanding the goals of the process of selecting a mate, where dating should be one of many ways we prepare for making that decision. Since so many have lost the actual goal (find a mate), they cling to the 'best' advice they can find -- popular celebrities, popular magazines and books, TV and music performers. Magazines publish check lists, friends relate signs that spelled trouble for them, and you have random lists of problems to avoid. Brad K. NML,

I agree with you on using a rigid, baseless checklist. I think the reason people fall into the trap of discounting potentially suitable people, though, is not the expectation that there are ‘more fish in the sea’. The reason has more to do with not understanding the goals of the process of selecting a mate, where dating should be one of many ways we prepare for making that decision. Since so many have lost the actual goal (find a mate), they cling to the ‘best’ advice they can find — popular celebrities, popular magazines and books, TV and music performers. Magazines publish check lists, friends relate signs that spelled trouble for them, and you have random lists of problems to avoid.

Brad K.

]]> By: NML http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2006/11/28/women-in-control/comment-page-1/#comment-1269 NML Wed, 29 Nov 2006 21:31:25 +0000 http://www.itsaboutmakingbabies.com/2006/11/28/women-in-control/#comment-1269 This was an exceptionally good post and your point about people forgetting that the object is really about whether in the long term this person is a suitable mate and future parent of their child really resonated with me. The now, now, now, sex, sex, sex culture means that a lot of that is forgotten for quick thrills. I think the type of careful pursuit that is dangerous is where people have a rigid, baseless list with unrealistic expectations that they mark people off against because we do live in a world where people seem to think there is a never ending gravy train of potential partners. This was an exceptionally good post and your point about people forgetting that the object is really about whether in the long term this person is a suitable mate and future parent of their child really resonated with me. The now, now, now, sex, sex, sex culture means that a lot of that is forgotten for quick thrills.

I think the type of careful pursuit that is dangerous is where people have a rigid, baseless list with unrealistic expectations that they mark people off against because we do live in a world where people seem to think there is a never ending gravy train of potential partners.

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