The checklist, or how un-romantic is that?
Annie at Smart at Love wrote the other day about "The cost of dating and love: who pays the bill". In the Comments to the post, Annie mentions "… I think it has made the earliest stages of dating feel more like an interview than like the pleasure of slowly getting to know a potential romantic partner.".
I think in earlier generations much of the nitty gritty of the interview was accomplished informally, by checking on the potential partner’s family, checking reputation, and finding people that knew the person for many years. We no longer have the extended close family, interfering aunts (at least, many don’t), or small communities.
And perhaps the problem is looking at advanced age (over 18) suitors. The younger folk have less understanding of how cruel life and people can be, so their checklist is a *lot* shorter. It is those of us that have survived a pairing or three that start making lists of things to guard against. In some cases we now have a checklist that would serve a marine battalion getting ready for battle! I don’t recall the actual quote, we get "Too soon old, and too late smart".
The other side of the coin is also true. Unless we stick to the youngest crowd, with their virgin vices and immature treacheries, we are having to pick from potential partners that have also survived troubled times. They have built walls and habits to reduce their risk, too. They have learned to *appear* good candidates, to hide weaknesses. They also learn ways to take advantage of their opponent .. um .. intimate partner. Some of them, anyway.
So if the interview checklist seems to get more forbidding each year, the need to check closely gets more important as the potential partner gets older. It seems a bit morbid to claim "Look how many danger signs I check for on My List!!". Like many defenses, our list of ‘hot buttons’ reads like a list of battle wounds.
Unless we want to ask Aunt Dorothy if our next potential partner is ‘good people’ .. and are willing to settle for nothing less than "he looks like a nice boy." I mean, it would be a shame to worry about whether he is stable, respectful, functions well at home and at work, and a cheerful and moderate demeanor — even before we find out if he is a good kisser.
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